It's often a tough time of year for many of us. We go to our families homes to celebrate an American holiday, which at best, causes us to hang out with people we on purpose only see once a year.
This year may be even more difficult than usual. The elections have caused a divide between many families that may not easily be bridged anytime time soon.
I have decided to only spend Christmas with my family, not Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am doing this so that I can guarantee a great time with friends that love me at least once. Because when I get to my parent's house, I instantly become the black sheep.
Here's my checklist to make sure I can make it out of there alive, as well as leaving my family with a sense that I love them despite my black sheep status.
- Show up with a coffee mug preloaded with booze. This relaxes me and allows me to take their hate talk as jokes that I become the comedic heckler too.
- Have a hidden flask on hand to reload if necessary. Stay buzzed, don't get loaded.
- Beforehand, pre-meditate on their ridiculous conversations to prepare me to ignore them. They're always the same, so this is easy.
- Visualize myself being silent and having no opinion. Like water off of a duck's back, their comments will roll off of me and onto the floor where they belong. It's fruitless to have an opinion as a black sheep, so don't have one. It won't matter to them anyway.
- If they press me for a response, have pre-planned religious answers, or answers of hope that keep me positive. Stuff like, "I'm just trusting the Lord." "I am happy that you guys are happy."
- Walk away and hanging with the kid's table. As a last resort, walking away is always a great option, and being around kids reminds me that I am a big kid too. The kid's table will always accept me, no matter what.
I'm going to family functions with the mindset that this is about them not about me. I can be the bigger person, take the punches, and ignore the bullshit. At the end of the day, I want my Mom and Dad to know I love them. However, a handful of other family members can eat a dick! (Just kidding, sort of.)
Godspeed the Holidays! Love you! Stronger than dirt!