Losing Valentines Day

This article revised and updated on February 14, 2017

Valentine's Day has always been awkward for my wife and I.  I've always been the holiday worshipper in our relationship.  The one who decorates for Christmas fusses about what we're doing for Thanksgiving.  Even giving my wife a card on Mother's Day WHEN SHE IS NOT A MOM! 

Well...I'm sick of it.  I'm calling a spade a spade and referring to Valentine's Day as "Officially the Stupidest Holiday Ever!"  We are dropping the holiday off of our calendars and minds this year, and I doubt we will bring it back anytime in the near future. 

Despite the fact that we all would probably agree that American holidays are capitalist, greedy, money making schemes.  Elf on the Shelf and Mensch on a Bench are a good example.  What's next?  Rabbit with a Habit, Leprechaun in the Pentagon?  Seriously.

So giggling at the hypocrisy of this ad being here right now. But someone needs it, and I've gotta pay the bills. :-)

I'm tired of Valentines Day affecting my life at all.  Scrambling to get a reservation at some fancy restaurant, on a date that they are awkwardly overbooked.  Searching for a gift or that special card that says what I've always wanted to say but won't, man up and say that shit year round!  Buying her something so that she feels "thought of."  These are all things that I do throughout the year!  Why am I forcing them to be done just because a day on the calendar tells me I have to?

Is there no such thing as organic love anymore?

I've many times in the past made it a point to deliver flowers to her at her workplace on Valentine's Day so all her work friends can make that high pitched emotional girl noise of, "Ahhhhhhh!"  Not this year!  I'm going to do it on a date that it's not expected, where there's no pressure to do it, where I do it because I want to.

I am Losing Valentine's Day and the Expectations Therein

Overall I'm just tired of living my life to fulfill the expectations of others and paying a high monetary price to do so.  I'm fatigued of doing things just to please people through performing some commercially created promise of romance and affection that isn't there.  The real enemy of the holiday to me are the false expectations it pressures you into feeling like you have to perform.

It's like going to church or being in religion.  There's just too many people to please, too many expectations to try and fulfill.  The only person that matters to me on this topic is my wife.  She likes the idea of a day to remind us that we love each other but hates the expectations it creates, the pressure it makes us both feel.  She made a point to remind me of this fact for the article but also stated that we live in that reality already every day.

To Jen and I, romance isn't dinner together, flowers, or gifts.  We regularly experience these things.  Romance to us is the partnership, and teamwork together we have as life partners.  We've had to drop the expectations of others to be ourselves in our marriage.  We had to stop listing to others in order to experience our form of love.  We found ourselves, and we don't care if you like it or not, it's ours.

Don't get me wrong. I love my wife. She loves me. But we don't need this damn money draining holiday to prove that to ourselves or anyone else.

To the Singles

Fuck Valentine's Day and fuck the culture or anyone else who wants to impose expectations on you.  You're single, LOVE IT!  Embrace your singleness!  Because marriage is hard.  Relationships are hard.  Embrace your singleness and stop feeling bad about it.  Don't let a corporate capitalist led holiday change your emotions or make you feel like your life isn't awesome!!!!  Be grateful!  In gratefulness, not pipe dreams of romance, real happiness is found.

Embrace the now!  Because in the moment of now is where joy found.  Romance does nothing but set false expectations and put pressure on people to perform a false idea of love, instead of actually living love out.  Love isn't roses, dinner, and sex.  Love is cleaning puke off of your spouse, tending to their needs when they're ill, embracing them when their sad.  Fuck your roses!

Instead of Valentine's Day

In the vein of Losing Our Valentine's Day Jen and I will be attending unintentionally timed comedy shows this year by our favorite comedians. Me - Adam Sandler, and Jen - Joel McHale. On February 14th, we will be doing NOTHING out of the ordinary. I'm not buying her flowers or a card. We're not going to dinner. We do not have some tradition that we need to force into existence.

I often enjoy doing the opposite of what's trying to be popular at the time.  I hate traditions, abhor religion, despise gentrification, and generally do the opposite of what people tell me I can do.  But that's just the way I am.  It's why many of you enjoy this podcast.  So take my opinion with a grain of salt, but perhaps enjoy a new aspect of Valentines Day.  Lose it!  Do nothing and have a great time at it.

Some Other Thoughts on Valentines Day from Fellow Losers.  What Do You Think?

"I disavowed V-day after the second year of my marriage. Couldn't take the look on my wife's face when I got the wrong gift or the restaurant wasn't the right kind of food and therefore not romantic enough. Never celebrated since. :-) Instead been seeking what it means to love unconditionally. Still haven't found that....but we're getting there...." - Seth Taylor

"Growing up, I'd go downstairs for breakfast on Valentine's Day, and my Dad (who had already left for work, and who was a very tough, stoic guy that never talked about his feelings) had always left treats and a note for me and for my brother. So I always had a Valentine, and I never stressed out about the day. But also, it reminded me that I was fantastic whether or not I happened to have a love interest, and I didn't need to have a boyfriend to be happy, or be with someone to be complete. So I love Valentine's Day, but my Dad is my valentine, not Aaron. Aaron's OK with it." - Nitza

"Stephen and I will be "celebrating" VD by just hanging out and treating it like any other day because... well... pragmatism.  If I have to wait for a specific day to treat my loved one with respect and have to show my love by buying them things, then I'm doing relationships all wrong...we'll be eating our VD feelings this Saturday at Bar Melusine nonetheless..." - Michael Schmitt

"We have a Valentines tradition.. Margaritas and watch a terribly corny horror movie." - Emily Robinson

"I don't like a lot of holidays for that reason, corporations making more money for dumb stuff like candy, like you need to buy stuff to show love rather than showing it with time and actions...if you love someone to show it all year, not just Valentines Day...if you want to give, do it all year not just at Christmas...silliness." - Jordan Laukala 

"Yeah man. Valentine's Day is lame. However, some of my single friends tend to get a bit lonely and discouraged on this day so my wife and I will take them out to a special dinner. It makes Valentine's Day rad to sit with good friends, eat good food, and drink good drinks." - Oscar S. Melendez

"We do valentines the day fter, when all the flowers and cards are on clearance." - Steve Gately

"Yeah! This is great! We've decided instead of Valentine's Day we will celebrate FORT DAY! We build a fort and watch a movie at home and laugh at all the suckers who have to go out and waste money on chocolates and ugly teddy bears." - Maria Griffin


Losing Our Religion is a weekly podcast around human stories, losing religion and letting go of ideologies that divide us from each other.  It can be listened to on these fine feeds and more...