Chris and Christina Sellers married at a young age were both raised in American Christianity. Their sexualities oppressed and suppressed by the dogma of religion; now they're both finding healing after infidelity and vaginismus. This is their therapeutic story.
CHRIS’S VOW RENEWAL TO CHRISTINA
I want to read a quote by Emily McDowell
"Finding yourself" is not really how it works. You aren't a ten dollar bill in last winter's coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people's opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. "Finding yourself" is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.
For me, our marriage has probably been just as much unlearning as it has been learning. When we first got married I thought that our beliefs were the foundation to our whole identity and relationship. We met as a result of our childhood faith which I will always be grateful for.
We built our life on that foundation of faith, our geographical location, where we lived, what place of worship we went to, and who our friends and community were. Around that foundation and life we built our borders and set our fence posts.
We were happy with our life and in love. It felt great to be in such complete agreement. But I think we also had false ideas of unity. We realized this led us to keeping silent about our differences which is not actually unity but uniformity. Even during one of the hardest times of my life which was the deconstruction of my faith I did not tell Christina. Little did I know that she was also having her own experiences, questions, and sharpening her critical thinking skills. Even now we don't always come to the same conclusions but instead of our differences dividing us we are accepting of one another and allow that to draw us closer.
I now realize that our beliefs are only one part of our identity. It doesn't matter what I believe if I say or do something else. What matters most is our words, our actions, how we treat ourselves, each other, and others.
Christina I absolutely love you for you. I love that you are maturing, evolving, and blossoming into the most beautiful woman I have ever known. For the first time in a long time I also love myself.
I love that we are finding ourselves and realizing that a healthy mind and heart is the best gift that we can give.
I love that we are equals, partners, lovers, parents to two beautiful children who challenge us to love more and more each day.
The scars from our pain will never go away but I hope they will be a constant reminder to be gentle to ourselves and gentle to others.
I love where we're at in our story. As I've said for awhile now, we may not be on the same page, some days we might not even feel like we're in the same chapter, but we're still apart of the same story and I love that our hearts always find the way back home.
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