MONDAY MELTDOWN: Explaining Your Change to Family and Friends

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On this weeks episode, we chat about how to talk to your family and friends about the life changes you are making.

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What do you say to family and friends who want to have an intervention with you because you’re not Christian anymore?
— Christina, Fellow Loser

So you’re making a significant change in your life? Changes you know your family and friends may have resistance too. Here are some tips.

Bring them in on your decision-making process as soon as possible.  If you go through the entire thinking process on your own and then spring it on your family.  You’ll get a lot more resistance than necessary. Even anger and resentment.

It’s not fair to them, because they haven’t had time to go through the same thinking process, to consider the reasons, to find the motivation, to be included in the decision. People don’t like change, and your change is their change, at least at first. So involving them in the process will minimize the resistance in the long run.

If others don't get on board with your changes, ask for a minimum amount of support: ask that they give you the space to make the change on your own, without their help. This isn’t a small thing sometimes — often people are threatened when someone in their life makes changes, or they don’t like the disruption of their routine of doing things with you (eating junk food together, or going to church with you for example). You doing something on your own is a significant change for them.

Ask for the space to do it alone, and ask that they not criticize or otherwise make it hard on you. If they are resentful, this makes it more difficult, but you’ll have to make an effort to show that this is something that will make you happy, and you will do your best not to disrupt things for them.

I have found it really important to remind them that this decision is not about them, it’s about you. You don’t want it to change your relationship with them.

And remember, If you want others to support your changes, you should also support theirs.

When they see you supporting them, it gives them a model for how to act when you want to make changes. Most often you won’t get immediate support, and they may never support you in it. Play the long game when it comes to walking through change with your family and friends.

To often when we want validation from our friends and family, validation they might not be able to give you. So find your validation elsewhere. Find people that are going through or have gone through what you are.



Brendan Gladney, Stacy Osiowy, Christian Grindstaff, Larry Overstreet, Heather Washburn, Alan Lamon, Michael Schmitt, Grace Kwon, Allen Mattox, Roberta Ballard-Myer, Alyssa Milan, Luis Castro Jr, T.O. Knowles, Jonathan Bowles, Thiago Bodini, Travis Turner, Samantha Davis, Mary Ratti, Justin Beal, Matt Proudfoot, Alf Herigstad, Kaeleb Reyes, Mekenna Rose, Rachael Wold, Morgan Weisz, Sarah Matthews, Jay Middleton, Diana Brown, John Stuart, Mandy Logan, Susan Ardrey, Blake Willis, Susan Lepin, David MacPhail, Tiffiny Kosloy, Hannah Wilson, Jessica Beal, Joshua Simpson, Harmony Nicole, and Anonymous Couple.