MONDAY MELTDOWN: Suicide, Depression, Anxiety and Anthony Bourdain

SUBSCRIBE TO LOSING OUR RELIGION ON iTunes | Soundcloud | Stitcher Google Play | TuneIn | iHeart | Spoke Sirius XM Radio and all other apps that stream and download podcasts!

MMeltdown-iTunes-1 itunes.jpg

On this weeks episode, we talk about suicide, anxiety, depression and losing Anthony Bourdain. He meant a lot to this podcast. We also hear from fellow Loser Simon, who called in from Orlando, Florida.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255 Available 24 hours everyday


Click for details.

Monday Meltdown is Our Weekly Chat with Each Other.

  • Ask Me Anything.
  • Inspiring thoughts for the Loser community.
  • Your thoughts and comments.
  • Our Meltdowns. (Rant, Vent, Yell, Swear!)


CALL US 206-395-5608 | Message any of our Social Pages or Tweet Me: @ZacGanda|ra | Email Me:

*CNN Photo

*CNN Photo

I am not sure why, but I have never been a person that emotionally holds onto sports teams, rock bands, celebrities, or the like. Perhaps because I have a strong empath personality, I often get excited about what those around me are excited about. For example, I currently don’t watch much hockey, but when I am with my friends that do, I get excited because I’m happy they’re excited. I root for their team and enter their fun. It’s kind of weird that there’s not a lot out there outside this podcast that really moves me.

I often try to think, if I saw any celebrity on the street, is there one celebrity I would entirely lose my shit over? Who is that one person that would cause me to completely fanboy out?

Sir Patrick Stewart would probably be one. I fell in love with Star Trek because of him, and I saw what a compassionate, but decisive leader could be. I also still get most of my life idealism from Gene Roddenberry and the Star Trek franchise.  Anthony Bourdain would be another.

Let me explain why.

When I left the church, I got a job at a local dive bar in Seattle called The Comet Tavern. I ran the Hot Dog cart outside of the well-known Seattle bar. We sold Seattle dog’s, the best Seattle dogs. Beef, polish, hot link, or veggie. You put that thing on a toasted from the outside hoagie roll, a full spread of cream cheese, grilled onions, sriracha and a tad of BBQ sauce and you had the most fantastic Weiner in the world.

Well, it was so good that when Anthony came to Seattle to film an episode of The Layover his film crew went to the hot dog cart. Featured the cart, interviewed the dudes. It was really cool, but the best part? It introduced me to Anthony Bourdain. I hadn't known much about him before that. I instantly became a fan. He was a no bullshit kind of guy, loved music, had a rock and roll life with a punk rock attitude, and knew what good local food was. He had a way of featuring true local venues and restaurants that were amazing, that actual locals would agree are the great spots.

Shortly thereafter I read Kitchen Confidential. It described exactly what my life was now like as a service industry, dive bar, street meat slinger.  I had left the church where masks were standard and entered a world where cocaine was the standard. Service industry life was exactly what I needed when coming out of the church. It’s a tight-knit community full of real people, with extrovert tendencies, and completely honest viewpoints and perspectives.  There's no time in the service industry for bullshit drama, you’re either on the go or coming down off the high of a no time for breaks work shift. I loved it!

As many of you know, working in the service industry is what inspired me to do this podcast. The after-hours conversations we would have over drinks, smoking weed, and calming down from the frantic work shift were the best, most real, existential, grounding and beautiful conversations I had ever had. Since I was a former pastor, everyone wanted to tell me their story, how they left religion, what they thought about the church, God, and what they believe now.  Clearly, from that description, you now know what this podcast is modeled after.

Anthony’s current show, Parts Unknown began in April 2013. It featured Anthony traveling the world, having conversations with those different from us, over food and drink in their cities and towns. This podcast inspired by my story, late-night bar conversations, the stories of others began in August 2015. It features stories of people who have left religion, are coming out of religion, or never had religion, with a desire to show the world that we can get along, we just need to sit down with each other and hear each other's stories. We may never agree, but we can understand.

Clearly, Anthony Bourdain is an inspiration to me, and of course to many others. I cried when I woke up last Thursday to the news of his suicide. I instantly went to some of his closest friends pages Asia Argento, Eric Ripert (Ri-Pear), Anderson Cooper, to try and see if anyone had any information and there was nothing but shock.

I have lived with a wife who battles anxiety and depression for 18 years now. I, as of the last few years have experienced it in part, at least enough to be able to sympathize with those that battle it as a disease.


  • The suicide appeared to have been an “impulsive act.”
  • There was exhaustion — and darkness.
  • Gladys Bourdain recalled Eric Ripert telling her that “Tony had been in a dark mood these past couple of days,” Ripert told Bourdain’s mother Friday, according to the Times.
  • Anthony Bourdain had reportedly kept a brutal work schedule filming “Parts Unknown” in the months before his death and was “absolutely exhausted,” a source told People.

I have lived with a wife who battles anxiety and depression for 18 years now. I myself, as of the last few years have experienced it in part, at least enough to be able to sympathize with those that battle it as a disease.

To my knowledge, Anthony didn’t clinically deal with these things. But we do know that they are a disease. Depression and anxiety can be utterly debilitating to so many. Even I have contemplated suicide a few times in my life. Never attempting it.

I’m very sad for the loss of Anthony Bourdain. I’m fact I’m fucking angry about it. I know there are many who face suicide on a daily basis. It’s one of the number one killers of military veterans today.

I wish I had answers. But all I have is hugs. I hope I can be the type of person who will always be checking up on my friends. It seems Anthony had those relationships, but it still wasn’t enough. One thing I do know, isolation is never the answer.

There is NO HELP in isolating ourselves.
There are people near you that maybe you just haven’t met yet.
Perhaps you have friends close to you, but you don’t talk about your feelings or your struggles.

It's time to start sharing! Talk, share, be candid, be transparent, be honest.

SHARE NOW! What are your thoughts? Comment Below.



Brendan Gladney, Stacy Osiowy, Kimberly Nelson, Christian Grindstaff, Larry Overstreet, Heather Washburn, Alan Lamon, Michael Schmitt, Grace Kwon, Allen Mattox, Roberta Ballard-Myer, Alyssa Milan, Luis Castro Jr, T.O. Knowles, Jonathan Bowles, Thiago Bodini, Travis Turner, Samantha Davis, Chad Weber, Mary Ratti, Justin Beal, Matt Proudfoot, Alf Herigstad, Kaeleb Reyes, Mekenna Rose, Christy Feltman, Rachael Wold, Morgan Weisz, Sarah Matthews, Jay Middleton, Diana Brown, John Stuart, Mandy Logan, Susan Ardrey, Blake Willis, Susan Lepin, David MacPhail, Tiffiny Kosloy, Hannah Wilson, Anonymous Butterfly, and Anonymous Couple..