On this weeks episode, we hear from fellow Loser Jennifer Pinch and chat about the backlash of self-care. Often when make our desires a priority we get comments like, "You've Changed, I don't even know you anymore." Here is how to handle them and more.
The Backlash of Self-Care and How to Handle It
In recent Monday Meltdown Episodes, you have heard me discuss Self-Care. I've been posting a lot about it because I've been engaging it strongly over the last year.
I really feel like it began in 2011 when I made the difficult decision to get out and get away from narcissistic, deceptive church leadership, which steamrolled into clearing my life from those that would defend the actions of that type of leadership. Then clearing the association from a religion that largely promotes it. All the while forming new connections and community organically as I live out my life away from the influence of the former.
But things really picked up steam when I began weekly therapy a year ago. The amount of things I have been able to move through and heal has been nothing short of miraculous. It's strange how slow a year can feel until you finish that year and are like, "Where'd it go? That was fast!"
After working through a lot of the things that have troubled me, traumas that I didn't even know I had and then realizing they have all helped shape who I am today. As I have moved through these things I begin to have a massive desire to stop living by the wind. What I mean by that is, I have been given a chance to start my life over. To start it over on my terms, with my desires, wants and needs to be the focus.
This is not selfish! This is a priority to be the best self I can be, which is scientifically proven to be better for everyone else around me. It takes courage to take care of yourself. Here are some things that have helped me...
- Find out what you really want and need. Do this by yourself with no outside influence of responsibilities in your mind. Self-care is first, responsibilities can go around self-care. In fact, knowing what you want will help you realize whether or not that thing you have prioritized as a responsibility really even needs to be given that type of importance.
- Stop thinking that you’re being selfish. We are not being selfish; we are being smart. If we don't find the inner happiness and fulfillment of our needs inside of us, it is impossible to be our best selves.
- Self-care is like creating a new culture. As you start to form the new habits you will have to communicate with those closest to you so they have a chance to understand the new boundaries you are setting up. (This has been the most difficult part for me.) People will say things like, "You're just not you anymore." "You've changed." When the reality is, you're finally being you! Just without their influence over you. They will grieve and miss "the old you" they once perceived you as. This is not your problem. Nor is their process your responsibility.
The feedback I have been getting from you guys around this topic has been really good. I am going to keep sharing this process with you. Join me in the conversation, will you?
Monday Meltdown is Our Weekly Chat with Each Other.
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THE PRODUCERS OF THIS EPISODE ARE...
Brendan Gladney, Stacy Osiowy, Kimberly Nelson, Christian Grindstaff, Larry Overstreet, Heather Washburn, Alan Lamon, Michael Schmitt, Grace Kwon, Allen Mattox, Roberta Ballard-Myer, Alyssa Milan, Luis Castro Jr, T.O. Knowles, Jonathan Bowles, Thiago Bodini, Travis Turner, Samantha Davis, Mary Ratti, Justin Beal, Matt Proudfoot, Alf Herigstad, Kaeleb Reyes, Mekenna Rose, Christy Feltman, Rachael Wold, Morgan Weisz, Sarah Matthews, Jay Middleton, Diana Brown, John Stuart, Mandy Logan, Susan Ardrey, Blake Willis, Susan Lepin, David MacPhail, Tiffiny Kosloy, Hannah Wilson, Anonymous Butterfly, and Anonymous Couple..