Thinking Thursday’s are about critically thinking, breaking out of boxes, and discussing new ways we could live this life together.
We often ruin current and future relationships by emotionally blaming our partners for the past trauma we feel coming up from inside of us. Can we stop doing that?
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
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What is Your Attachment Style? from PSYCH ALIVE
Adult Attachment Styles
Secure Style Personality:
People who formed secure attachments in childhood have secure attachment patterns in adulthood. They have a strong sense of themselves and they desire close associations with others. They basically have a positive view of themselves, their partners and their relationships. Their lives are balanced: they are both secure in their independence and in their close relationships.
Those who had avoidant attachments in childhood most likely have dismissive attachment patterns as adults. These people tend to be loners; they regard relationships and emotions as being relatively unimportant. They are cerebral and suppress their feelings. Their typical response to conflict and stressful situations is to avoid them by distancing themselves. These people’s lives are not balanced: they are inward and isolated, and emotionally removed from themselves and others.
Children who have an ambivalent/anxious attachment often grow up to have preoccupied attachment patterns. As adults, they are self-critical and insecure. They seek approval and reassurance from others, yet this never relieves their self-doubt. In their relationships, deep-seated feelings that they are going to be rejected make them worried and not trusting. This drives them to act clingy and overly dependent with their partner. These people’s lives are not balanced: their insecurity leaves them turned against themselves and emotionally desperate in their relationships.
People who grew up with disorganized attachments often develop fearful-avoidant patterns of attachment. Since, as children, they detached from their feelings during times of trauma, as adults, they continue to be somewhat detached from themselves. They desire relationships and are comfortable in them until they develop emotionally close. At this point, the feelings that were repressed in childhood begin to resurface and, with no awareness of them being from the past, they are experienced in the present. The person is no longer in life today but rather, is suddenly re-living an old trauma. These people’s lives are not balanced: they do not have a coherent sense of themselves nor do they have a clear connection with others.
MUSIC FROM THIS EPISODE
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Brendan Gladney, Stacy Osiowy, Christian Grindstaff, Larry Overstreet, Heather Washburn, Alan Lamon, Michael Schmitt, Grace Kwon, Allen Mattox, Roberta Ballard-Myer, Alyssa Milan, Luis Castro Jr, T.O. Knowles, Jonathan Bowles, Thiago Bodini, Travis Turner, Samantha Davis, Mary Ratti, Justin Beal, Matt Proudfoot, Alf Herigstad, Kaeleb Reyes, Mekenna Rose, Rachael Wold, Morgan Weisz, Sarah Matthews, Jay Middleton, Diana Brown, John Stuart, Mandy Logan, Susan Ardrey, Susan Lepin, David MacPhail, Tiffiny Kosloy, Hannah Wilson, Jessica Beal, Joshua Simpson, Harmony Nicole, Melissa Nikolov, Ray Gilford, Juan Sabastian Velencia, Renee Away, Kathleen Bosman, Allison Ayars, Bimpe Aibinuomo, Nicholas Iza, Kimberly Nelson, Erica Curnutte, Hannah Wilson, Josiah Ecker, Christopher Loechli, Philip Lumbrera, Alysia Lucas, Marie Rombold, Brittany Sandoval, AKI, Samantha Walker, Kevin and Katheryn Klevjer, and Anonymous Couple.